A Single Girls Plea

Friday, 15 August 2014

I love a good "lads night out" because inadvertently and by complete accident I have become one of the boys.

Whilst I have nothing but complete love and adoration for my female friends, their intelligence and understanding, I am so fascinated by the male mind that I seem to have gravitated towards it in my choice of friends. 
But is being one of them, the first to crack out a 'that's what she said' and start an openly heated discussion about war, becoming more and more detrimental to my romantic life?

Sat with a girlfriend and two guys we'd met recently in a pub the other night, our conspiracy theories and dirty jokes were pulled to a hault when a bevy of beautiful girls walked in. They joined our table and flicked their hair, watching hawk eyed (albeit with lashings of Bobbi Brown mascara) as yet again the boys paid for the next round of drinks, it suddenly became painfully clear that there were two different nights about to fork out.
They were going to have sex and I wasn't. 

"Would you ever have sex with me?" I asked an attractive male friend of mine recently, we have brilliant banter and love nothing more than getting drunk together and being idiots, perhaps a little blasé to assume there was any physical attraction reciprocated, but I had watched night out after night out the sorts of girls he ended up taking home. 
"You can't say things like that!!" His ruddy cheeks burned.
"Why not? I want to know!"
"No Charly, I like and respect you too much."

Firstly, what the fuck? Secondly, what the ACTUAL fuck? 
There was little naive romantic me thinking that the reason why you slept with people was because you liked and respected them. 
I only posed the hypothetical question because I wanted to know what cast me so different to any other female he hangs out with- not because I viewed us as a potential item.
(I'm sure the answer would have taken a little more interested deliberation if it was someone drunk in a club.)

Announcing proudly the other night I had an impending date (this would turn out to be the 6th in 7 weeks that would be unsuccessful because despite potential soul mate connections - I was too lovely) my girlfriends cheered and ran over the usual "what are you going to wear?! Have you got matching underwear?!" Where as the boys grinned cautiously and demanded to see a Facebook profile to determine whether or not he was "one of the usual pricks you go for dinner with."

He was in fact, another one of the usual pricks. But why? When all my good looking, funny, clever and polite guy mates like me. Have I morphed into one of them? Have my boobs and bum and feminine demeanour dissolved into nothing more than a sarcastic sense of humour and a love of beer?
The last guy I dated (for a significant period) had a secret girlfriend of 18 months and the one before that after weeks of romantic gestures, nights in and dinner, suddenly stopped contacting me without a word only to add me on LinkedIn 3 months later.

I don't need a boyfriend to define me, but it would be nice to have a subtle reminder that I don't actually have a penis.

Males of London! I am a great girl! I will wear a dress to dinner and play table football with your friends. Your mum will, indefinitely, love me. 

So, what are you doing next Saturday?


29 comments:

  1. As I was reading this, I felt as though you were describing my own life. I grew up with all guy friends and have always been seen as "one of the dudes," so I know where you are coming from. If there is a friend zone for a girl, this is definitely it. I agree with your point where you friend told you "I respect you too much for that." Shouldn't being with someone, whether romantically, intimately or the like, be about respect? I guess in today's society it's a bit backwards. As a senior in university and as a first generation Indian born in America, I'm always angered when guys from my culture run after the "hot, blonde, full figured" women at my school and I'm just like, "whelp, there goes my chances of ever finding a guy." But my mother always told me and I really hope it is true: when guys want a serious relationship or want to settle down, that's when they come running back to girls like us. Girls who they respect, care for and love. Now, I know you aren't talking about settling down (and neither am I, I still got a ways to go and a lot to explore in the world), but it's a nice sense of hope. I do hope you find yourself a lovely guy who is deserving of your presence! Your blog is quite inspirational and honestly, I feel as though we have the same sense of humor and taste in society. All the best, Charly - those guys are missing out on a gem! ~Jasmin

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  2. Hi Charly. I can totally relate to this article as well. When you see the type of girls that get that romantic attention, it's really hard not to compare yourself because they are the ones that are seemingly "winning." But let's be real, you are an awesome person. You have a lot to offer and a lot of times, it's easier to go after someone who is only sending out sexual vibes. It's a lot harder to take home a girl of substance. I think as well, you're talking to your guy friends and in a way, you've already been placed in that zone. Don't take that offensively because it seems as though your guy friends love you so much as a person to want to have you around long term, which you may not be able to say about the girls they take home on a Saturday night. I know it's hard to hear this stuff and you just think, what the fuck! I would like to enjoy companionship like the rest of them. But believe me, it'll come when you least expect and you'll look back and think, that waiting was worth it. I was you at one time and now I'm in a long term, loving relationship. I sometimes wish I could've told myself that I was perfectly amazing but no one was ready to take that on. I know it's so cheesy and cliche but I hope that helps you. You obviously have a ton to offer and are beautiful inside and out, someone is going to come into your life and really "see" you and sweep you off your feet one day. Lucky him. ;)

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  3. If you're horny then let me tell you all about the latest and best sex toy to hit the markets. It's called the Hitachi magic wand and it will put any man to shame. Buy one of these and you'll be taking it on dates and celebrating anniversaries in no time. You don't need a man unless you plan on having kids. Otherwise please yourself until your little heart is content.

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    1. I think you missed the point dear. A sex toy can't love you back, rub you feet, say I love you, hug you when you're down. Talk back to you when you need a soothing voice. I understand being horny and sexually frustrated and a toy can be a nice quick fix. But people need other people to love and cherish. How cold your life must be if that's really how you want to live. Sorry for you.

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  5. Wow. This could be me in three years haha.

    I'm a 15, soon to be 16, year-old who has never had a boyfriend { no first kiss, no holding hands.. what a misery haha} but has an adorable bunch of male friends.

    Obviously I have good girl friends too and they are awesome but in the past half a year I guess I subconsciously chose to hang mostly with my male friends. Why?
    Maybe because I wanted to escape all the drama girls tend to make about the most unimportant things. I had a lot of personal stuff to deal with recently which kind of opened up my eyes to what is a problem and what is unnecessary drama. And talking about the sex life of girl XYZ who I spoke to about once in all my life, definitely falls into the latter category and is something that I hardly care about. It rather annoys me.
    This is something I enjoy when I hang with my boys: If they don't know a person they won't judge them.

    Or maybe it's just that we're all teenage girls, each developing their own personalities which had to end up in an evaporating friendship at some point. Who knows, it's probably both.

    So yeah, back to script, I enjoy having male best friends.I thoroughly do. I like that they treat me like they do, that they respect me and make me feel like "one of them". And though, I agree when you say that at some point it would be more than nice to feel another kind of male attention. One that maybe even causes some butterflies (oh metaphors).

    Thank you Charly for sharing your thoughts on this topic and making me feel less alone with such problems :D - Elisa

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  6. Charly, I FEEL you, girl.

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  7. Haha, I love this!

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  9. Lol reading this made me cringe slightly because I've been in this position may times 'I respect you too much... you're too nice/lovely for that... you're so innocent' Errrm, ok. But it does make me think about what sex is and what type of relationships guys want to be in during their late teens-early 20's. Does that mean that the girls that guys do choose to have sex with don't earn their respect and love? Because that's sort of what they imply when they give a reason like that. I guess it shows that we've got to the point where we are able to separate sex in to 2 categories - sex as just a physical act with no emotional attachment at all, and sex that is much deeper than just the physical act. Then relationships where you just want to 'have fun' and relationships where you could easily see yourself being with that person on a long term basis. I guess it's not a new thing but I just don't get why so many guys, when presented with the girls that they 'love and respect' opt so much for the former types of relationships, as if fleeting encounters are worth more... I don't really get it.

    Also, it's such a detrimental way to view females :/ to think that some females are not worth the respect but others are, and that when you're 'ready' for that type of commitment you can find a 'good girl to settle down with'. I'm all for having fun etc if people want to but regardless of the outcome of a sexual encounter or relationship, whether it's fleeting or not, all girls should be given the utmost respect.

    Saadiya x

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  10. As cliché as this sound me and my forever single self feel extremely identified with your post Charly! Thanks for making me crack a smile. Lovely blog post as always.

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  11. As a female who is constantly referred to as a "guys girl," I can totally relate. Have my years of watching football matches with my dad somehow overpowered my bra-shopping adventures with my girlfriends? Why am I so quick to befriend guys and so incapable of developing a lasting emotional (and lets be honest physical) relationship with them? If and when you overcome this conundrum please let me know, and if I come cross it first I will be sure to share my findings.

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  12. What a great piece of writing - can totally relate to your situation. Can't tell you the number of times guy friends have come whining to me with their 'girl problems' or described me as 'wife material' only to be totally romantically ignored over girls who are more overtly sexual and, lets be honest, better looking or more confident than me. We can only hope that in the end, 'nice girls finish first'!

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  13. Such a wonderful article Charly!! I love your writing and I can completely relate to this!!

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  14. this is perfect. You're so relatable. I have fell inlove with your blog. And your Instagram.
    Just to add you're beautiful and one day one man will walk into your life and then it will make sense why all the lads you have dated before are idiots. I used to be the 'lad' too and found it so hard for them to take me seriously.
    Keep doing what you're doing Charly. Lots of love, Abbie x

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  15. Haha i love this so much!!! You write so well x x

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  16. This is a fantastic post! Love the way you write! xx

    Hannah // The Little Dinghy

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  17. I really ennjoyed reading this, you are a very good writer!

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  19. Hahahaha! I guess I know the feeling in some way! Now I just keep the flirting levels there whenever I meet a cute guy who becomes a friend ;) Just to make clear that besides dirty jokes and beer, I am just as much 'sexy and feminine' as the blond bimbos they date ;)!

    P.S. I only read two post so far and I am in love with your blog!

    xx Shannen

    coeurbelgique.blogspot.be

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  20. "I don't need a boyfriend to define me, but it would be nice to have a subtle reminder that I don't actually have a penis." - this my newly found favorite person ever, is what I feel like every single day. There's a certain kind of trend in my country where all the stupid, naive and bitchy girls get boyfriends, and the funny, tomboyish and nice girls get boy friends. And it feels as if this is in general also something that happens elsewhere.

    Also, isn't there a saying that once your in the friendzone you ARE in the friendzone.. benefits or no benefits, once a guy sees you as a friend, he pretty much never sees you as for the woman you are.

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  21. This is just the total summing up of the story of my life! WELL PUT.

    Sophie x

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  22. Damn as a young man I am quite annoyed in the fact your male mates haven't jumped at the chance to taking you out for a lovely meal but instead say the men you go out with are the typical pricks, baffled is the word. You seem lovely Charly.

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