I can confidently say I am not a shit person.
Without a crack of vanity in my statement, a hindrance of over-confidence
or an enormous ego, I know I'm not a shit person.
(I turn the tap off when I brush my teeth and answer emails at 3am... see!!!)

It's 7:30am and jet lag introduces itself to me with a waft of last nights room service and as I pan my eyes over the unfamiliar setting of a shiny hotel room, I lay a little homesick and a little vulnerable on the tops of my covers and stare at the rolling news on the TV.
The previous day had been my first 24 hours at VidCon in LA.
My shoes had been torn, my dress ripped and my hair pulled - all as I pleaded for the safety of a security guard and the search of my best friends hand. 
I am so overwhelming proud of my friends and the following they have gained, but this was the first time 3.5 million subscribers had ever meant anything tangibly.
Even if it was only 350 of them in a 23 second stampede. 
My heart cartwheeled out of my chest and my eyes stung with a terror I'd never felt before, try as I might, even at 7:30 am the next day I still couldn't shake it.
I won't be going back to sleep.
"Tumblr."
I think.
Because Tumblr is my friend.
Tumblr is my home away from home, my little spot on the internet that encourages my unhealthy procrastination instead of pissing all over it.
"32 unread messages."
Holy shit! Watch out JamJars and Grumpy Cat, my internet fame has finally sprung.
But alas, I was faced with a selection of:





and then also some stuff like this too...


I am no stranger to anonymous hate on the internet.
I embrace it as best I can, because amidst the fat-calling and the friend-faming, I am blessed enough to receive some truly touching messages of love.
More often than not it's a case of giggling over the poor grammar and incorrect statements and moving on, but this time I cried.
Fumbling off of the doomed app I tapped in my friends number in hysterical floods exclaiming I was going to start looking at flights home and not leave my hotel room for the duration of the time I was there.
I was desperately searching for pity but instead I was met with a stern 'pull yourself together.'
"Just because there are a lot of shit people in this world, it doesn't mean you're one of them."

6 peanut butter bagels and a really incredible shower later I deleted the messages and left my room.
Shutting off Virgin Atlantic offers and deleting angered responses, I picked myself up out of the flurry and moved on.

I am the first to admit I have said some things I regret, the majority of my teens I know I spent a lot of time silently calling out others because I was so riddled in my own insecurities it felt right to pick up on others.
By no means was I excessive or violent with my thoughts, but I'd be a liar if at 14 I said I'd not put down somebodies weight because I was so obsessed with my own.
Much like the 6 peanut butter bagels however, whilst it felt great at the time it felt overwhelmingly shit very shortly after. 

People can be arseholes, hell, the majority of people you will come across between birth and death have an underlying tone of arsehole in their nature - but that shouldn't give you reason enough to become one yourself.
Nor does it mean the shit things they say about you make you a shit person.

I have spent a long time contemplating whether or not to post this in fear it looks a little self indulgent, 
I'm not interested or rooting for pity replies or graces of compliments but instead I'd really like for people to remember the reality of sending anonymous hate and also the weightlessness of the comments you receive.

There are lots of shit people in this world, but that doesn't mean you're one of them.




34 comments:

  1. awesome!
    xx
    daniella
    simplybeautifulelegant.blogspot.com

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  2. I know you don't want pity, but I you obviously don't deserve a single word of hate and are rightfully upset. These anons are ignorant, cowardly, and jealous. They don't know you and have no right to judge you behind a faceless and nameless message. But instead you decide to share this personal experience with all of us, hoping that we can learn something? My dear, your courage, selflessness, and beauty is unprecedented. Honestly. To rise above this, ignore the hate, and fight back shows how genuinely good you are. Save the positive messages as ego biscuits for when you're feeling down. The world needs more Charly Coxes. Love you.

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  3. I haven't commented before but I read your blog regularly and your writing is brilliant. I'm 22 and I follow Jack and Finn's videos and I think they are genuinely doing great things for the online world. Ever since they introduced you are their friend I thought you were incredibly brave to put yourself out there as one of the only female friends they show *openly* online I suspected that you'd be open to some hate. But what you went through is absolutely ridiculous.

    Hopefully the young (and maybe not so young) and ignorant people who send this sort of hate to you will one day realise that we all need to stick together. It's disgusting to be treated any differently to any one else because people choose to pick something about you and slam you for it.

    All seriousness aside, keep doing what you're doing girl! xxx

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  4. I was going to send you a tweet about this post, but I feel like 140 characters isn't enough to say how it has made me feel. I can't believe that people would think these things, let alone log into Tumblr and send an anon message. I don't think I'll ever fully understand that. How ridiculous that you should be made to feel like you have less worth because of your appearance (which is beautiful, by the way), or for who you are friends with. It's not their place, and it never should be, to comment on your friendships and relationships, or anything else for that matter! It makes me sad that people gave you a need to write this post, but now that they have, I really admire you for calling them out. I think 'anon hate' is something that gets swept under the carpet. Ignoring it is probably one of the best ways of dealing with it, but at the same time the people that write those anon messages aren't going to see that their sly comments actually have an effect, sometimes the size of which they would never have anticipated. I hope the people that sent you those messages see your blog post, because they did a really shitty thing. I know you said that you didn't comment this for pity or flattery, but hopefully they'll feel silly when they see how great your writing is, and what amazing content you create on here.
    This post sparked so many emotions and thoughts, so you're doing the right thing Charly. Big love, Ruby xxx

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  5. This was an amazing post. If there's one thing I've learned about people in general (throughout life) is that when they're being unnecessarily horrible to you, it's got a lot more to do with themselves & some shit they've got going on than it ever will with you. You're an amazing talent, Charly & there's no need to let people like that who just can't seem to deal with their own demons get you down. Tigers don't lose sleep over the opinion of sheep! Keep smiling, Charly! :D <3

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  6. After reading your last blog post I couldn't not leave you a message. I am really sorry that you received those messages, it constantly shocks me how spiteful some young girls can be when they're jealous! I honestly feel for any girl that is linked to an attractive male in the public eye these days because the barrage of hate and abuse they can receive is unbelievable. I'm sure that by now you know none of the comments had any truth in them but incase you didn't, they don't!

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  7. reading that makes my heart hurt... i just want to hug you tight and eat ice cream with you until all the shit people go away, and then we can frolic in a field of sunflowers and rainbows while talking about cute boys

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  8. Hello Super-Lovely-Inspiring-Talented lady! It really angers me when I see how the community on this site is changing, it's definitely a lot meaner than it was a couple of years ago. And it's completely senseless and irrational. and anonymous. Rarely is hate mail justified, and I wonder how hurt someone can be they need to attack in this manner to make themselves feel better. I recently found your blog, and it's at the top of my daily reads. Thank you for what you do. You help people, like me. X

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  9. i know one nice message in a flood of horrible nasty ones might not be an amazing consolation but i just wanted to let you know that you continuously inspire me in your writing and your attitude. unlike anyone else you so perfectly encapsulate problems faced by so many girls around the world- and while you're not being offered the kindest treatment online, i know you're imparting your knowledge, thoughts and attitudes on these issues on your readers and they are forever thankful. xxx

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  10. Charly, I just want to say that I am very sorry those people sent you horrific messages. none of them are true and I really hope you know that. You're an amazing person and you have helped the boys so much. And even aside from the boys, you're incredible sweet and have a heart of gold. You're an INCREDIBLE writer and I only hope people will open their eyes and truly understand how awesome you are. Love you. Xx

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  11. Charly repeat after me: "I AM A FUCKING QUEEN!" Did you do it? Good. Did you believe it? You better have cause it's the truth. I know how easy it can be to doubt yourself and let all the negativity flood in but to get back up and shove that negativity right back into its dark soulless hole takes courage and strength. You deserve only happiness and positivity and if the people around you can't give you that, well, they can just kiss my ass!

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  12. i am appalled by some of things that people have said to you and the only explanation i could come up with is that people are jealous of your success and life. i have been following your blog for over a year and would have absolutely loved to meet you at vidcon

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  13. There are lots of people in the world that love you Charly. You're words bounce off the page so clearly that I feel so sad about your experience. You should never be made to feel like less of a person against two well known friends. You're a marvelous human being in your own right. Lots of love and positivity xoxo

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  14. n regards to your latest blog post. I genuinely believe people, especially people on the internet are enraged by the success of others. Every bit of hate you receive should be regarded as an indication of how hard you work and how successful you are becoming. You are a beautiful, talented young women and those who feel the need need to attack you through anonymity are exceptionally weak. Continue doing what makes you happy Charly, many of us really enjoy it.

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  15. Yeah... the majority of these girls at Vidcon are just high on their teenage hormones. Imagine how hard they hump their stuffed animals after leaving you those anon comments on Tumblr.They go to Vidcon not to learn anything about digital media but hoping that their idols will notice them, or smile or give any kind of attention. Can't blame them for this, we all 've been teenagers, but the hate should not be tolerated. You did good that posted all this stuff. Hope they read it and feel at least some regret. We should hope so.

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  16. Yeah... the majority of these girls at Vidcon are just high on teenage hormones. Imagine how they hump their stuff animals after posting all these anon comments on Tumblr. They go to Vidcon not to learn anything about digital media, they just hope their idols will notice them, smile at them or give any kind of attention. Can't really blame them for this, we all 've been teenagers with boys band crushes. But hate should not be tolerated no matter what. Good you made this post. Hope these anons see it and feel at least some regret. Stay strong.

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  19. Dear charlie,
    (sorry for my poor english-skills)
    First of all I have to say that I really like your blog.
    Second of all the internet is a really odd place. You can do and say things anonymous. But the most of the People would never dare to say stuff like that face to face ! But you dare to tell us that you are hurt, what you are feel and darling you are sooo much stronger than all these people will ever be.. Please don't give these hobbyles people too much attention. they don't deserve it.
    the most of those people are just jealous.
    Moreover there are sadly a lot of unkind people out there and we have to learn to deal with them. A lot of them are unhappy with himself. I think they start to provoke other people to feel better themselves. If you wan´t to show them that these comments doesn't impair you, be there next vidcon ;) I hope you feel much better now :)
    much love from Germany

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  20. Hi Charly. Anna from ViviannaDoesMakeup mentioned you in her new vlog so I thought I would check you out. First off, I really like your writing style and you've definitely gained a new reader. Your writing has a nice poise to it if that makes sense. Haha
    Second off, I am appalled at the tumblr comments that you received. I'll never understand how some people can be so cruel and rude. Even when I was a teenager I never had thoughts as hurtful as that nor did I receive any, but your response of being both upset and angry, I think are totally just.
    Anyway, I just wanted to say how brave I thought this was. I know myself well enough to know that I would probably have just bottled it up inside so I appreciate your honesty and willingness to address your experience and how you felt. "There are lots of shit people in this world, but that doesn't mean you're one of them" - I really love this saying :) Love from New Zealand

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  21. You're truly gorgeous. Do you know what makes you gorgeous, and not just pretty? You look healthy, filled out (which does not equate to "fat"), and radiant. What teenage girls don't understand is that full lips and feminine hips (which also do not equate to "fat") are attractive, desireable, and alluring...and, more importantly, healthy. They are basing their opinions off their Seventeen Magazine covers and underdeveloped teenage bodies. Not to say that their comments are going to just fly right over your head, instead of straight through your chest...but just remember that in future times. Full lips, Feminine hips.

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  22. lips and hips back...one more thing: I do hope you realize that the comments about Jack & Finn all originate from a deep, dark, hormonal pit of teenage envy. They have dreamt up this world (apparently a side effect of youtube, instagram, and twitter) where they, too, can be THAT girl in THAT group of THOSE guys. And, you know what? They could be a great friend to great guys if they stepped away from the computer and put themselves out into the real world...and they could actually experience good friendship. So...just continue to be that friend and that team member and enjoy it unabashedly. You're allowed to look at your friends however you'd like--with pride, adoration, comfort, appreciation, love, etc., etc., etc.

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  23. I´ve read some of your post before, some of your poetry and some of your responses on Tumblr. I´m not the kind of person to leave a question of tumblr unless there is something I really want to know or say but WOW... I mean reading what those "people" wrote... made me feel like I was receiving those messages and it felt incredibly hurtful, can´t imagine how you felt... but after reading what you did I must say I´m really impress and proud of you even tho I don´t know you.

    Getting angry and wanting to leave the scene is the common response... the animal instinct. Is normal and understandable but what is impressive is your ability to overcome this and think like a rational human being. And that my friend is to admire. Also you should never feel bad about your other feelings, those you can´t control, because as long you can use your rational side too (which you do... a pity others can´t), you´ll be fine babes.

    So always keep in mind what you wrote before: "Just because there are a lot of shit people in this world, it doesn't mean you're one of them.".

    That´s a good reminder there ;)

    PS: Excuse my grammar, english is not my first language :) Have a lovely day.

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  24. I just want to say that I came across your blog about 10 minutes ago (and failed miserably at attempting to submit a comment, so here it goes again), and all I can say is that your writing style is so beautiful. You string words together like music in a symphony, it is so unique; I hope you write a book one day.

    I don't normally post on blogs, but I read this post and wanted to say something. Some people are so incredibly cruel, they are so wrapped up in their own jealousy and bitterness that they have to take it out on someone to feel better about themselves. That is no way to live and I think too many people nowadays don't realize that. Always remember that you should pity people like that, because they cannot see the world like you can, and they cannot live a full life until they understand what it means to treat a human being with love. You are beautiful inside and out, and I really admire you for posting about this. You are on the side of the angels :) That is the best side to be. You will go on to do great things with your life, and don't let ANYBODY tell you or make you think otherwise.

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  25. I can't believe that people really send messages saying those things... what kind of a person does that? that is not only sad, cruel and despicable, it's also the lowest form of communication. of course they are only jealous, of course they are a*holes and of course what they are saying is neither true nor does it matter - but I am honestly quite speechless.
    as hard as it is - don't let these people get you down!

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  26. It's incredible to see how people can be JEALOUS. I was genuinely shocked to read those hate messages you received. Don't react to such stupid people, move on and keep your head up ! I know it's easy to say, but I'm sure that's what you did in the end. I admire your courage so much. Wish I could be that strong.

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